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Iria04
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Country: United States
State: Georgia
Birthday: 7/24/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: BAND (marching and concert), my bass clarinet (and clarinet), winterguard, drum corps!, music in general, anime, art (like drawing and painting), writing stuff, radio!, CDs, DVDs, movies, webpages, HTML, SLEEP, dogs, cats, animals in general, relationships with people, the relationship with myself!!, talking in general, hanging out with friends, Sigma Alpha Iota, Agnes Scott College, Georgia Tech, all-nighters, driving in my car and singing loudly along with the radio, sleepovers, and last but by absolutely NO MEANS least, Mikhail. ^_~
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  Iria04
Member Since:
12/2/2003
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| Mikhail proposed to me over Thanksgiving break... we are engaged! We've actually just picked a date too -- September 25th, 2010. We even have a wedding website... hehe (http://www.mywedding.com/mikhailtita)
Anyway, I'm going to copy what I wrote in a note elsewhere about the summer:
Drum corps this summer was really really different. Not marching Crown was a compilation of many different feelings and emotions for me. On the one hand, I couldn't believe that I actually left Crown. When Mom came and got me that Friday morning I couldn't believe it. I can remember driving away from the college and looking at the hornline practicing on the ensemble field and just crying my eyes out. At the time I was so confused on whether or not I made the right decision. But the fact that I woke up every single day crying meant to me that something was not right. It didn't feel right. I loved the work, I loved the guard, I loved the hornline... I just didn't love IT. I couldn't believe for the second year in a row they'd place me as an alternate. It was so hurtful to think that I still wasn't good enough, even though I'd endured an entire summer as an alternate the year before. I think the thing that made it hard for me to justify me leaving was that this summer many more alternates were put in the show than last year. I would have been placed in the show if I had stayed. But the thing is, by the point I would have been put in, would I have wanted it? It was hard enough that week I was there... I don't know. Tough choices.
I ended up getting the spot at Glassmen on the drive home from Crown. I called around to every colorguard person I knew and luckily someone had a tip from a friend that there was a hole at Glassmen. At first I didn't know whether I should do it or not... but then I thought about it and realized it would be a great experience no matter where I marched. Yeah it wasn't Carolina Crown, but who cares? I got to march on a field with a drum corps and experience that side of drum corps. The previous summer I only got fleeting glimpses at what performing shows in drum corps was like... I never got to experience that at all. It makes me sad to think that I worked that hard and I never got a chance to do it at all. I can't believe I was able to deal with that and be okay with it. That's why I think my choice to leave was best. I didn't know whether I would get a spot or not -- I didn't want to waste my age-out summer being an alternate AGAIN. That wasn't fair to me and I *knew* it wasn't fair for me. So that's why I left. Glassmen was fun and I got to perform a really fun show with a great group of people. :)
Oh drum corps. I just wish I could have another chance to be in front of a crowd like that again. It was everything that I thought it would be. I loved doing drum corps and I wouldn't trade a second of everything I experienced for anything else in the world. It's just too bad that I can't ever go and do it again. =/
I realized this summer that I really love Mikhail. Spending 3 months away from him was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done. He means so much to me and not being able to see him every day broke my heart. He was my biggest supporter the summer before and without him it was that much more difficult. I honestly think that's why I was having such a hard time at Crown. Not only did I feel bad about being pushed aside again, I also didn't have him there to support me and make me feel better about the whole thing. The separation from him was too much for me at times. I talked to him on the phone nightly... the days that I couldn't call him were so hard. I realized that I can't live without him. He brings out the best in me and he fits me just the right way. I love him so much and I know that I always will. :)
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| I don't really write in my online journals anymore. I guess they have lost their appeal. Or... I'm just too busy.
Yeah, I'm too busy.
In other news, my first semester here at Tech has been very difficult. I find that I am procrastinating more than I ever have before and that's pretty depressing. I need to be excited about school again because I am most definitely NOT right now. The classes are pretty interesting too which makes it even worse. I am rarely bored in class (except for when the professor sounds like a humming machine that puts me to sleep) and the subjects we cover are seriously fascinating.
It's like... I have a misplaced feel of senioritis. It's like I really want to be done with school, but I can't because I've just started on this new major. I feel like I'm going to be stuck in college forever. I have like 2/3 years ahead of me. I am in my 4th year. I am *supposed* to be graduating this year. All my friends at Agnes are. They talk about what they're doing in applying for grad schools and what to do about once they're out -- where to live, what jobs, what city... and I'm stuck here. In school. STILL. It's like I'm being really left behind. And I still haven't really found the group of people like I was hoping to here. I miss my friends at Agnes a lot... but the problem is I'm working on my shit all the time that I don't really have a lot of time to go back to visit. And honestly, people leave that place on the weekends to come here. I dunno.
I also really feel like I haven't let myself get to know people. I like my apartment. I like being in my apartment. But I feel like I am here all the time (or at Mik's all the time). I want to go OUT. I want to celebrate my 21st because I *STILL* haven't celebrated my 21st. But no one but me wants to do that it seems. I never really got to celebrate my birthday this summer. The guard sang to me which was seriously awesome but then I didn't get to go out and have fun. I had to wake up and have my ass kicked. But you know I chose that so it's okay. But I was really hoping to celebrate when I came home. But yeah... not yet I guess.
I want to have a group of friends. Right now, there are random people. My roommates are great, but I never really see them and we never really go hang out or anything... and it would be nice I guess. I'm becoming better friends with Psi people which is seriously awesome because everyone in that fraternity is great in their own way. I am so glad to be joining Psi. :) But yeah, I still don't have a GROUP there to be like "hey let's go do something on a random evening" and BAM it happens. You know? I dunno. I just feel like I'm drifting with no real attachments to anything. And that is pretty depressing.
I miss Agnes. Plain and simple. I miss the way things used to be. I miss my friends there. I miss my classes (well... some of them ^_~). I miss random nights in Alston dropping little parachute men from the top floor to the bottom just because we could. I miss the library and I really miss Evans (yes, I am that lame). I guess it comes with going anywhere new... you miss what you didn't really appreciate before just because you can't have it anymore. It's just going to take time until I feel like I'm in my niche here. I still haven't found it.
This was a long entry. Yeah. I guess I've had a lot on my mind lately.
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| An entire summer has passed and I have not written a single thing. It
was definitely a crazy summer, from moving out to going on vacation and
finally ending up at spring training for Carolina Crown. I learned a
lot about myself this summer... this is no lie. The hardest thing I
found in drum corps was not the fact that my body hurt all the time and
sometimes I made it through segments where I really didn't have the
physical strength nor endurance to, but it was my inner being that
provided the most trouble and strife.
I marched as an
alternate this summer, and I have to say that it was the most difficult
thing I could have ever done. I never marched a single show -- each
time an alternate needed to fill a hole during the ballad I was never
the one chosen to do so. That's how the cookie crumbles when you're an
alternate. Every morning I woke up and thought of one small thing I
wanted to fix for that day and literally sometimes it took me the
entire day to get it right. I worked my ass off all summer -- spinning
basically every second I had free. I stayed after rehearsal many times
to work on something that perhaps wasn't the best during the day or I
just worked on that damn turn-around toss they ended up taking out for
finals week (oh the tragedy!). I tried to make myself as perfect on the
work as I could be, no matter if I was in the show or not. I came to
drum corps not only to be a performer but to learn. I worked my butt
off and I feel like I have gotten much better, but I never got to
perform a single show. It was a hard summer in that I often felt sorry
for myself and pitied the position I was in, but somehow I brought
myself out of it and worked harder than before. That was so interesting
to me -- whenever I was feeling sorry and frustrated about the fact
that I couldn't get something right, I would start REALLY sucking...
but then the second I turned my thought around as was like "Okay, just
do it" I started getting better.
It was so great to have
Mikhail there. He was so important to me this summer... I really don't
know how I would have survived if he hadn't been there. I seriously
cried to him basically every night. I cried so much this summer. I mean
I really cried every night... about everything. I cried because I
couldn't get the work right, I cried because when running I felt like
my shins were going to explode, I cried because every morning when I
woke up I didn't know how I was going to be able to put weight on my
feet because they hurt SO BAD, I cried because I didn't want to eat
another PB&J, I cried because people played mind games with me and
made me feel about 2 inches tall, I cried because I watched the guard
performing every night so beautifully and I cried because I wished so
badly this summer that I had been them. I wished all summer that I were
good enough to be out on that field performing that show. I really
loved Crown's show this year and I would have given anything to be even
a small part of such a great production. I think that was the hardest
obstacle to overcome this summer. Seeing the show every single night
and knowing every single checkpoint of every single second so
perfectly, but never actually performing the show for an audience. It
broke my heart -- I did drum corps because I loved the raw performance
of it all -- I wanted to perform for a huge audience like they did for
finals and I wanted to feel the excitement of the crowd as a
performer... not as a spectator like I have done ever since I watched
my first drum corps show. That is why I cried so much. Because the one
thing I wanted out of this summer I could not have.
In its place though I learned so much about myself and pushing myself to my limits. I feel stronger, I look stronger, I am
stronger. In my performance abilities, in my spinning abilities, in my
ability to withstand something physically difficult -- I thrive for
these kinds of things now. At the end of the summer we began three
person run-thrus of the entire show. On the last day that we did them
(the night before semis, quarters?), all the alternates went together.
We spun together like we knew how to, feeding off of each other's
energies and giving the rest of the guard the best performance we
could. I have to say that even though we weren't in front of a big
crowd or had the drum corps behind us creating the music, it was one of
the best performances I have ever done. The entire guard was crying
after we finished because they could not believe that we could do the
entire show like that. It was something that really made me feel
worthwhile and made me realize that this summer was one of the best
things I could have done for myself. I absolutely cannot wait to go
back.
Anyway, I've posted some pictures up on facebook from my
summer, and in case you don't have facebook, here are the links for the
pictures I have:
http://git.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2010019&l=1d6fd&id=53300050
http://git.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2010110&l=3e0b8&id=53300050
I hope you enjoy. :) | | |
| Lots and lots of stuff has happened since I last wrote... but unfortunately I dont have the time to write it down just yet.
So heres a brief review:
My sister was married this weekend
My last days of class at Agnes are coming to a close
Lulabel went to WGI and made 9th place (YAY FINALS DVD)
Sigma Alpha Iota elected new exec board and the finality of me leaving Agnes weighed down upon me
I went to Carolina Crown audition camp... and the most exciting news of all:
I MADE CAROLINA CROWN! I mean, I dont really have a spot just yet (3 are still open -- Im one of 6 being considered for the 3... but then if I dont get a spot I am an alternate)... but I am going on tour. I AM SO PEE-IN-MY-PANTS EXCITED!!!!
Okay... I really gotta write this paper. GOODNIGHT! ^_^
~ Tita
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| I need to learn how to stop procrastinating.
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